Now for those who follow my Instagram page will know that I am a regular visitor to Ikea and consider myself an expert at navigating the twists and turns of the never ending maze of sofas, kitchens and the dreaded Market place. However…
For the novices out there an innocent visit to Ikea could seriously damage or even ruin the most stable and loving relationship, here’s how to make it as painless as possible.
Walking around literally becomes a map of a relationship nightmare. Walking through the kitchens brings up touchy subjects, like who does most of the cooking. Then you get to the children’s section, which opens up another set of issues. And that’s before you’ve even tried assembling anything.
So how do you ensure that a visit to Ikea won’t tip your relationship over the edge?
Make a list in advance and stick to it.
An unplanned visit to Ikea is an open invitation to a blazing row. Study the website in advance and decide what it is that you need to buy, and make a list. Agree with your partner in advance that you will not deviate from the list under any circumstances. Shake on it. Ikea is no place for idle browsing.
Laugh at all the other couples arguing.
Nothing makes us feel better about our relationships than observing the breakdown of other people’s. Look at those amateurs!
Stop off at the cafe.
If only for an emergency piece of Apple cake or Daim bar cheesecake. Attempting a full circuit without sustenance is like attempting a Grand Prix without a pit stop. You will break down, physically and emotionally. But…
Don’t stop off at the cafe at lunchtime.
It will be hellish. Full of overtired, screaming toddlers and their battle-scarred parents. And they might have run out of meatballs
Do not go on Saturday. Or Sunday. Or at half term.
Go very late or very early to avoid the biggest crowds. Remember, hell is other people. Other people at Ikea is the world beyond hell.
Don’t follow the arrows.
Remember, the evil geniuses who created Ikea want you to spend as much time in the shop as possible. While it’s tempting to follow the arrows that guide the shuffling herd around, the Ikea pro will learn where all the hard-to-find shortcuts and hidden passageways are, in order to get from living rooms to bedrooms without getting stuck behind a dawdling family of six in kitchen accessories.
and last but not least,
Check out the discounted section.
Right at the end of the shop before the checkout, there’s a whole section of furniture pieces that have been heavily discounted, due to small scratches or dents. You never know what item you could get and mostly these pieces are already assembled. If you dare, go against the rules and head there first – it could save you a whole trip around the shop!
If you make it right to the end, it’s probably time to treat yourself. Buy that frozen pack of meatballs for your tea tonight. Eat that hot dog. Grab eighty packs of Daim chocolate treats. You deserve it.