Did you watch your parents fight when you were growing up? Remember saying to yourself that when you had kids of your own, you wouldn’t do the same? Yes, me too. I’ll let you in on a little secret, all couple do it and those who say they don’t are lying.
Sure, we’ve all read articles which talk about the negative effects arguing in front of your kids has on them and I’m inclined to agree with most of them because there’s a chance that it’s right. However, as it goes with any topic, there’s always a different way of looking at it. For the purposes of this post, I want to look at it from the point of view that it isn’t necessary bad thing.
Sure, no one wants their kids to be subjected to seeing their parents at each others throats and I have the strong option that constant, destructive arguing can be damaging to not only to children but to the family as a whole.
Let’s stop for a minute and say that arguing in front of your kids isn’t such a bad thing after all. What we might be doing is teaching them the skills they’ll need to work out disagreement for themselves later in life because let’s face it, they’ll probably have one or two.
On the other hand, what I’m talking about is complete nonsense and all we’re doing is driving our kids insane.
The more I think about it, the more it kind of makes sense. Mine and Rachel’s arguments are no more than minor disagreement over mundane things that nine times out of ten fizzle out after a few minutes. They’re usually over something daft like, been given the wrong directions in the car or who fault it was that we forgot to feed the dogs. They’re just those kind of moments that you laugh about later on.
I’m also convince that kids know when these moments are happening and that’s why they start piling on the quick fire question about what we’re doing, were we’re going and how long will it be before we get there.
We have however started to make more of a conscious effort not to air these frustrations in front of the girls since we’re worried about the effect it might have on them but having read a little into this topic I’m starting to think about it slightly different. Maybe then, it’s these kinds of tiff that are actually making our kids starter and setting up their skills on how to deal with disagreement later in life.
Watching my parent argue when I was younger, I didn’t feel scared, unsafe, or confused. Perhaps I was learning from them the whole time. I learned that loving someone doesn’t always mean agreeing with them and that the person you spend your life with will inevitably have quirks that get on your nerves. I also learned to treat that other person with respect. Perhaps they did have disagreements over more sensitive stuff. They undoubtedly did but it was definitely our my my ear shot.
It makes sense to me. If we can’t air frustrations with each other in front of our kids and then come to a understanding at the end of it, how are our kids going to learn that important skill. Maybe that’s why everyone seems to go around hitting and punching each other.
If you wanted to go a little further into it. If children know their parents are angry or hurt but don’t see them express this, they may not believe it’s appropriate to share their feelings at all. I’m going to get that involved though. I’ll save that for a different post.
Even if our problems don’t have such a clear cut solution, I’m going to stop worrying as much arguing in front of the girls, as long we can show respect to each other when we do it. I definitely believe we’re actually helping them develop their own relationship skills and it turns out that this sense is much more valuable in the long run.
What do you think? Am I onto something? Do you argue in front of your kids? If you disagree with my thoughts, I guess we could do the obvious and argue about it. Let me know what you think in the comments below
Categories: Life and Parenting